They say communication is the key to a fantastic relationship, but did you know science could very well be the reason why you and your partner relate the way you do?
It’s true — and here’s why:
We have blood types. Personality types. Skin types. Deeply ingrained — if not innate or physiological — markers that can predetermine our qualities, traits or constitution and guide our approach towards anything from our health to our careers.
There are also relationship attachment types, which can impact how we form and behave in our relationships.
According to Dr Lisa Firestone, the theory is that early in life we develop a certain attachment to our primary care givers that tends to remain constant.
Not only does this style of attachment have a profound effect on our emotional development, it can also influence the kind of partner or lover we become and shape the dynamics in our relationships. In other words, the way you learned to bond with your parents as a baby or toddler follows you through to adulthood and into your romantic relationships.
When it comes to our romantic partnerships especially, our attachment type can affect or influence everything from:
In the same way our personality type can help us to navigate our career and personal life, identifying our relationship attachment type can actually provide us with some pretty good relationship advice:
It can help us to better understand our individual strengths and weaknesses as a couple.
It can help us avoid — or at least address — some of the more damaging characteristics inherent in our attachment type.
It can show us how to work on our ‘flaws’ and make our relationship stronger.
There are four relationship attachment types:
This relationship attachment type usually means a person is secure and confident enough to be able to relate to and interact with another person and sufficiently be able to meet their own needs as well as their lover’s.
This style could mean that in order to feel close to someone and have their needs satisfied, they have the urge to be overly possessive, demanding or ‘clingy’ — and need constant reassurance.
This type has the tendency to be the complete opposite — acting incredibly distant and as though they don’t have any needs to be met.
This relationship attachment type can influence a person to have simultaneous conflicting attitudes — meaning they’re afraid of being both too close and too distant.
It’s also important to note that, according to Dr Firestone, the attachment style you developed as a child based on your relationship with a parent or early guardian does not have to define how you relate to the people you love in your adult life.
“If you come to know your attachment style, you can uncover ways you are defending yourself from getting close and being emotionally connected and work toward forming an ‘earned secure attachment’,” she says.
“By becoming aware of your attachment style, both you and your partner can challenge the insecurities and fears supported by your inherent relationship type and develop new styles of attachment for sustaining a satisfying, loving relationship.”
You can start to identify your own relationship attachment style by getting to know the four patterns of attachment in adults and learning how they commonly affect couples, by entering your contact details for your beautiful free downloadable checklist below:
Did you download our checklist to help determine your relationship attachment type? How do you think your type has impacted your personal relationships? Share with us in the comments below!