EIGHT THINGS TO REMEMBER IF YOU’VE NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP

The trials and tribulations of being in relationships and finding a life partner:

Plenty of us have us have a story to tell.

But others don’t.

Yet.

Diamond2

 

You see, some of us marry our high school sweetheart and grow up together, before we grow old together.

Some of us have many short but sweet relationships over many years, before eventually finding ‘The One.’

Then there’s those of us who have a little less luck and find ourselves in a vicious cycle of one failed, unhealthy relationship after another.

 

But this article is specifically for the ladies who have never actually had a relationship.

Not a good one, or a bad one. A short one, or a long one.

Their dating experience might vary from pashes, dates, hot flings, and even hotter sex, to none of the above — but one thing has forever remained the same:

Relationship Status: Single.

No ‘partner’, so to speak.

No boyfriend or girlfriend. Ever.

This is for the women who, when it comes to finding a life partner, spend a lot of time watching the clock.

“Oh my goodness. I’m 30 and I’m not married/in love/in a relationship.”

“What on Earth is wrong with me?!”

 

Stripe

 

 

If you just happen to find yourself in the ‘never-been-in-a-relationship’ basket, here are eight things you need to remind yourself:

 

 Screen-Shot-2014-08-22-at-9.10.58-PMJust because “everyone else” is in a relationship, doesn’t mean you’re missing out

 

One of the biggest reasons people worry if they aren’t in (or have ever been) in a long term relationship is because it seems like everyone else is.

Perhaps everyone else in your circle of friends really is all loved up — and you’re always the third wheel.

Remember, you don’t have to have the same relationship status as them in order to fit in and be ‘normal’. You still have value to add to the other people in your life — even if they happen to come in pairs.

You don’t need to exile yourself from the group in search of other singletons.

 

Screen-Shot-2014-08-22-at-9.11.04-PMStop worrying, stop waiting — just enjoy yourself

 

You don’t need a partner in order to feel fulfilled and enjoy life. Until you find a long term partner to share life’s experiences with, be happily single in the meantime.

Maximise time with the people already in your life — the ones who uplift you and bring joy to your days.

Spend time with yourself.

You’ll look back on this time and remember what you did and how you felt — and not necessarily on who you did or didn’t share it with.

Revel in your freedom — do the things now that don’t necessarily come so freely to those who are ‘committed’ to other people.

You know what we’re talking about. Travel. Career changes. Spontaneous decisions. Solitude.

Be selfish.

Enjoy all the things you can do without having to compromise or consider another person’s needs, wants and desires.

 

Screen-Shot-2014-08-22-at-9.11.13-PMJust because you haven’t found love yet, doesn’t mean you’re not worthy

 

Just because you have not yet found someone who can intimately and exclusively appreciate all of your amazing qualities, does not mean you don’t possess those traits.

You are beautiful. You are unique. You are special and you are worthy.

Do not define yourself, or allow your sense of self worth or confidence to be determined by your relationship status — or lack thereof.

The most important thing is that you are practicing self-love and looking after Number One.

Cultivating a high level of self worth will ensure you are open and ready to meet Mr or Miss Right.

 

Screen-Shot-2014-08-22-at-9.11.20-PMYour own standards for a partner are not unattainable

 

There’s a myth that perpetually single people have ridiculous, unrealistic and unachievable standards for what they are looking for in a partner.

Remember, it’s perfectly find to be selective. Picky, even.

After all, you deserve the very best.

Believe that the right person, who ticks all of the right boxes, is out there — and you don’t have to settle for anything less just for the sake of changing your relationship status.

 

Screen-Shot-2014-08-22-at-9.11.26-PMYou don’t have to justify why you’re still single — to anyone

 

It’s always the elephant in the room when you’re at family gatherings or social events. Or, at least it feels that way.

All those well-meaning questions from Aunts, colleagues and strangers, even? You’ve heard ‘em all before, no doubt.

“So why haven’t you got a boyfriend?”

“Why are you still single?”

“Do you have a lover yet?”

“When are you going to find someone?”

“You still haven’t met someone?”

“Why?!”

You don’t have to justify why you’re single.

You don’t have to come up with an excuse; such as you’re too picky, too busy, or too focused on your career.

You just are, and that’s perfectly OK.

 

Screen-Shot-2014-08-22-at-9.11.32-PMThe clock is not ticking

 

Whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, 40s or later — you still have years of dating, relationships and even marriage, ahead of you.

Just because you’re stretching into a new decade and still on your own doesn’t mean you’ve been left on the shelf and it will always be this way.

There is no time limit on falling in love and there is no set age by which you should meet ‘The One’. The right moment comes at different times for everyone and for some people, it never comes at all.

The right time to meet someone is when it is right for you.

 

Screen-Shot-2014-08-22-at-9.11.37-PMPerhaps you’re just not ready

 

Whether it’s coming from yourself or those around you, you’re probably feeling the pressure to meet someone.

But have you ever considered the possibility that you’re just not ready?

You should enter into a committed partnership when you feel 100% comfortable with the idea and comfortable with who you are as a person.

Perhaps you need to find yourself and get to know who you are, first.

Until you’ve figured out what you want in life, there’s a good chance you won’t be able to figure out a whole other person and successfully fit them into your life.

So focus on yourself, do the inner work, and make yourself feel happy and whole, first.

On the same note, it takes two to tango – maybe your perfect partner for just isn’t ready for you yet, either.

 

Screen-Shot-2014-08-22-at-9.11.42-PM

Don’t become a dating robot

 

Speed dating. Online dating. Blind dates.

You’ve probably tried it all, but generally, things fizzle out before the night’s even over.

And then you’re in search of the next one and then the next one, in the hope that one of them will eventually turn into “something more”.

Don’t let yourself get caught up in a desperate frenzy of superficial one-on-one social engagements and rendezvous, all for the sake of hopefully scoring yourself an official relationship.

There’s a good chance this tactic won’t work out, because you’re not being mindful about the process.

Not all love stories begin with a long, busy and detailed ‘Dating Chapter’.

Slow down, and let it happen organically.

Be intentional about the dates you do go on.

Be present.

Respect yourself and the other person.

Enjoy yourself.

Take it slow.

Don’t fret if you haven’t got a date locked in for next Saturday night — you won’t miss out.

The opportunity to meet someone will present itself at the right time. Don’t force it.

Stripe

 

Are you yet to find yourself in a long term relationship? Do you feel the pressure? Share your experience with us in the comments below!

 

Share your thoughts

One Response

  1. Ashley says:

    I’m 22. I delved into career mode from an early age- 16 to be exact. With no intention of sounding cocky, I feel like I would make a great girlfriend. I’m average looking, spontaneous, fun to be around, not the clingy cliche, understanding of the male species and how to carry myself like a lady. As much as I am fun and outgoing, much of my weekends revolve around doing chores, reading a good book, and playing mom to my 4 year old brother, who has been in my care for a long time. I support my family’s financial and other needs, and sometimes I look at my life and its not where I want to be. I would surely like to be in a relationship…not in a way to suggest that a relationship will make me “whole”, because I am 100 percent comfortable in my own skin. I love who I am, and I crave for someone to love me too. I just don’t know where to look.

    In all my life, despite being quite social, I have never found someone that I truly want to be with…well at least not someone who isn’t my cousin’s ex boyfriend. I kissed him once. We were hanging out, drinking and he started going on and on about how much he loves the person I am…at that point, I started to feel all of these amazing emotions, but there was guilt too. We’ve been great friends for years. He has every quality that I have been looking for- even the imperfections that my cousin genuinely hates. I am not a deviant person, and I don’t feel she doesn’t deserve him. I love her and I love him. I want them both to be happy and I know that they still love each other…I have always rejected the guys that I am certain were insincere, and although I know my cousin’s boyfriend is a bit of dick, I feel like he genuinely cares for me in a way that no one else has…from the way he stares at me and smile, to the respect and love that his family treats me with.

    After we got a bit tipsy, he told me how much he loves who I am and wishes his girlfriend (my cousin) was more like me. He kissed me and I kissed him back. we made out in the backseat of a taxi for about half of an hour. I even ditched work that evening. We both knew it was a mistake and agreed not to talk about it. Shortly after that agreement, he called me to say that he wasn’t that tipsy and didn’t regret kissing me. It was the same case with me, but I didn’t let him know this.

    A few months later, they broke up. My cousin, without knowing that I deceived her trust, said that it couldn’t work between them because he, apparently wanted to be someone she was not- more like me. I’m still having mixed emotions about this. I know he still genuinely cares for her though…

    I realize that I’m ranting, and I don’t mean to, but its hard not having people who I can explain this to, who would not judge me. I never wanted him to leave her or anything like that. I don’t want to be a home wrecking character and “snatch him up”, but I do wish that I had someone like that in my life who was not tied to another woman. I feel like because he knew her first, and we hung out as friends, he got to know me in a way that most men don’t, and its not that I don’t want men to know me and all of me, but I just don’t seem to meet the right guys. I may need help.

    I feel dumb writing this, but whoever is at the end of this email, I would love it if you can help…I want to find love. I want to be in love, I want to get married and have kids and balance my career. I’m not asking for a life of perfection. I am prepared to put in the work and face the struggles…my whole life has been about struggle, and I just want someone to hold on to and make out with, and feel loved. Am I crazy?

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