When it comes to making people love you more, it is all about identifying the problem.
Maybe you’re not getting enough support or you are struggling to get ahead in life.
Perhaps you are not getting the cooperation from your children that you need, you’re feeling unimportant, not achieving the desired financial success, overburdened and not making the right impact.
We often struggle to receive the love, desire and respect that we need most in our relationships. Think of all the relationships you have in your life, whether they are at the workplace, at home with family or in our personal life.
Getting people to engage with you on a certain level is a life skill that yields a wide range of rewards and increases the impact that we have in life.
When we are not able to draw people in and get them to engage with us, this is where the aforementioned struggles start to take place. If you can engage with people and make them feel wanted, respected and needed, they are more than happy to reciprocate the same feelings you provide.
We have learned more about the human brain in the last 10 years than ever before and relationships have become a science as a result. We now know what works and more importantly, we now know what doesn’t work, which increases our ability to engage with people that we come into regular contact with, whether at work, at home, or in our personal lives.
The most important aspect of any relationship is the creation of an optimal environment where people can follow you, respect you, listen to you, support you, understand you and engage with you.
Very important understand the brain at an unconscious level. Our brain scans the environment around you and the primary concern is its own safety. When the brain feels safe, it will operate at the most sophisticated level possible. This is the thinking part of our brain, the pre fontal cortex, which is responsible for logic, decision making and reasoning.
In other words, this is the executive functioning part of the brain. Safety allows us to move forward with a greater sense of engagement.
If our brain senses danger, there’s a completely different response, which is known as fight or flight.
This is what happens when the primitive, less evolved part of our brain (known as the amygdala) is activated. We begin to assume that people are with us or against us, and if other people sense danger they back away and avoid risk at all cost.
So how do you create a climate of safety so that you and the other person can view situations as being rewarding, as opposed to risky? If you can master these four simple habits of engagement, you can get anyone to love you more, so much so they want to commit to you, give you their loyalty and do business with you. These rules will positively influence the environment that drives engagement, so be sure to read on and learn more.
If you create a safe environment, the other person is reassured that you are in this together. One of the most effective ways to communicate this fact is connecting by touch. Touch sends a signal to the reptilian brain that you are safe by releasing oxytocin, a chemical that is naturally produced by the brain in situations where the brain feels relaxed and at peace.
Mirroring body language is also crucial. Being at the same level as the other person is important. If they stand, stand, if they sit, then sit. If they want personal space, provide it. If their body language is open, arrange your posture in a way that is open and receptive. Thirdly, use language of togetherness, i.e. “we” or “I” statements, as opposed to “you” statements, which tend to place a person on the defensive.
The brain enjoys certainty and when we know what’s next, we feel safe. If not, the fight or flight instincts start to kick in. Don’t be vague in your communication, get straight to the point. If you are unclear in what you say, the other person will fill in the blanks on their own. This should be avoided, since we are hard wired with a negative bias.
If they have to do the guess work, they will probably develop a negative interpretation of your communication tactics and trigger the risk response. Make your requests and your expectations abundantly clear. Let people know what they can expect and what they’re in for, so that they know exactly what to look for in the future. This seemingly simple act places their mind at ease and makes it easier for them to love you more.
We all have a desire to feel important, this is a fundamental human need. The brain always asks itself: “Am I more important than you or less important than you?” If a person feels more important, they feel safe. If they feel less important, they feel a sense of danger.
How do you make them feel more important? By asking questions, remembering that its about them and not you. Be still and be present. Your job is not to prove yourself or rush in to provide unwanted information. Your primary objective is to listen with great interest and put them first. When you ask the right questions, they will then feel importance.
One of the best ways to gain compliance from children is to offer them autonomy by giving them choices. This empowers the child, giving them a sense of responsibility and self respect. It sends a powerful message that they are valuable and important because they are being given the autonomy to choose.
This also applies to adults! Allowing others to make a choice, even when you may feel that you know best is crucial to gaining more love and respect. When we “help” others, a message is sent to the brain, a message that says “I am less than important/significant than you”. When the brain receives this message, we adversely affect our relationships with others.
It is also important to ask for permission when you are offering autonomy, so that the person feels like they are an active part of the process. When the person you are speaking with feels like an active member of the exchange, they will take a greater level of ownership in the process and their level of appreciation rises when they are asked for permission.
These four habits will have a great deal of influence and impact on the people who you encounter each day. By making them a part of your personality, you can ultimately get anyone to love you more, allowing you to live your life on your own terms, get ahead and avoid feelings of powerlessness and despair.
Our level of success depends greatly on the quality of the relationships that we build. Our ability to lead, influence and garner the impact that we desire plays a major role in the love and respect that we receive. When we know how to relate to other people, we are far more likely to make them love us and tap into the part of their brain that makes them feel safe in our presence, which is what it’s all about.